Infinity

(1) EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD SIDEWALK - NIGHT

(2) Frank is walking around his neighborhood in circles with his friends Dan and James while tripping on mushrooms.

(3) Frank

(5) (In deep contemplation)

(4) My trip must be peaking because I’m no longer yawning as much and I can’t stop shaking my leg from all this bent energy.  I guess now is a better time than any to try and start solving my lifes problems, like I usual with my trips.  I don’t know if the psycedelics are a catalyst for writing because of the idea that I’m on them and that’s what I’m supposed to do or because my train of thought is such a mindfuck that I can’t control the endless streaming loop of conciousness.  Generally I come to the same conclusion every time, I am fucked up and I need to change.  

    I don’t entirely agree that drugs are to blame for my devious ways, but I can understand that experiencing them from such a young age was a mistake.  The biggest problem, other than spending my money on them has been the long term effects from my dramamine overdose.  This has even affected me while attempting to fall asleep for the study, and now my trips have even more of a delerius twist. But really the root of my problems stem much deeper to my personal life rather than my imaginary drug reality.  Because of my ambition to one day move away and live off of nature I don’t completely dedicate myself to anything here.  I guess both factors are to blame otherwise I wouldn’t slack off and smoke pot at work.  

    Maybe it’s just too late for me to change my life and the moment I doomed myself to be stuck on this island was when I refused to goto college after high school.  I always tell myself I should apply next year and even though I know I can’t afford it, I know there are other options such as loans and scholarships. I don’t know what I should focus on but if I want to be a Gonzo Journalist maybe I should be a Journalism major and write stories to help better the world.  Perhaps considering I am a pretty good cook and I’ve worked in fast food my entire life maybe I should join a culinary art school.    If I am destined to remain this way forever then I might as well do what I can to prevent my sister from falling into the same trap of giving up on life and getting fucked up.  I’m hardly around her as it is and me and my mother have already passed on our bad habit of smoking cigarettes to her.  

    Another serious issue in my life is my tendency to releave my depression by cutting myself.  This is the only way I can get over the rejection of countless girls in my life.  Maybe there is a reason for this rejection though, something I wouldn’t want to admit to myself 
unless I was tripping.  Girls don’t want someone so overly emotional they cut themselves whenever they are hurt.  Maybe fucked up girls do, and that’s also my problem is I have a taste for that, but generally if a girl likes me shes either too old or too young for me.  Maybe it’s the fact that I have a messy room because I’m a pack rat whose too afraid to throw anything away.  Perhaps that’s another problem is I’m too clingy to anything I posess, even girls.  The last time I found acrazy girl who liked me and had a messier room than me I ended up losing her because I took things to almost a stalker level with my clingyness.  It’s just that I’ve had so little in my life that the moment I find something I really like that I can have I abuse it in excess, just like with drugs and fast food.

The one thing I don’t understand is that for someone with such a fucked up life, I don’t know how I’ve ever avoided having a bad trip my entire life.  Sure I’ve overdosed while tripping and had some bad physical reactions, but I’ve never had an experience so powerful that it emotionally scarred me.  I’m actually kind of jealous of people who do get that scared straight experience because it’s the bad trips you learn the most about yourself on.  The biggest wake up call I’ve had while tripping was the time I looked in the mirror and my reflection told me it like it is.  I guess the problem about my trips is the same about my life, it’s the same one experience reoccurring constantly, where I learn the same lesson and I never go forth making any change in my life.  In fact, this entire trip I’ve been walking around in circles and this always tends to happen.  I guess I’ve been so busy handling real problems in my life that I don’t even notice I get stuck in a loop every time I trip.  I go over all the grounds for my problems and never begin a new path in my life.  Rather than escaping this world I should be working to improve this place for myself, my family and anyone suffering.  I need to stop living for my own personal goal of being interesting and find interest in being a genuinely kind person who commits himself to selfless acts.  I suppose after all of this self realization I owe it to myself to get off of this track and we can go smoke a joint in the woods now.

(2) Frank derails himself from his circular path and though he is going to the woods to smoke, he is being led by fate.